Rules for Visiting by Jessica Francis Kane

I finished this novel early this week, but wanted to take a little time to think about it--and then the week hit, and holy heck it was a busy one! Now it's Friday evening, and before I make a cocktail and have date night with my boyfriend, I'm going to tell you about this unexpectedly sweet novel about friendship and trees. 

May Attaway is a forty year old single woman who still lives in the home she grew up in; her father lives downstairs, and she has the top half of the house. She's part of the grounds crew at the local university, and she's  an expert at cultivating trees and plants. She's a bit of an introvert in that she goes to work, spends a minimal amount of time in conversation every day, then goes home. Her friends? Well, she doesn't really have any close friends. 

A surprise gift from the university (a month of paid time off) has May ruminating on how to spend that time. She begins noticing people all around her who have friendships: the two elderly ladies in the coffee shop, the folks in the neighborhood who not only know each other by sight, but are actual friends. She thinks a lot about friendship: how it is cultivated, nurtured, and sustains the people in it. She decides she will visit the four women she once considered friends, to reconnect and see just what friendship is all about. 

May is a bit of an old-fashioned woman, in that she believes friendship is a face to face relationship, and the digital age has left people too many ways to say they are friends with so many folks. But, the important parts of friendship are neglected by the simple fact that people never visit each other and spend time  talking in person, enjoying each other's company. As May makes her trips to her friends, she finds joy and reaffirmation in simple things: a walk together, conversation at night over a glass of wine; a trip for ice cream. She sees each of her friends and their lives--all different from each other, and each friendship is different, too. Not better or worse, just different. 

There's more to the story, but it is worth savoring and reading for yourself. I found myself settling in and loving May's journey. The references to trees, flowers, and plants were wonderful, too. It's a quiet book, but worth reading. You'll be surprised at how much you enjoy it, and it will make you pause to reflect on the importance of friendship for each of us, and what we do to nurture it, or to neglect it. 

Rating:  4/6 for a novel to savor slowly. There's not a ton of action, but that never bothered me at all. A surprising little gem!

Available in hardcover, ebook, and audio. 

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Rules for Visiting by Jessica Francis Kane

Quiet by Susan Cain

I finally know the difference between shyness and being an introvert, thanks to Susan Cain and her book Quiet.  I always have called myself shy, but wondered why I wasn't shy all the time, just in certain situations--like a party.  Reading Quiet gave me many "AHA!" moments and a better understanding about the person I am today.

Quiet is about introverts, and how they function in today's world, and how they get lost under all the noise of the loud and extroverted world we work, play, and live in everyday.  Introverts--and there are many of us--are those who prefer to work in a quiet space, enjoy conversations with small groups of people instead of large, loud parties, and work best being creative when they have space and peace.  They think things through before making decisions, and are more apt, as leaders, to provide opportunities for other people to try out their ideas.  Extroverts thrive on the fast pace, the aliveness of today's world; they are charismatic and ebullient; they are most of our leaders.  Donald Trump, I think you're an extrovert.  

This is not to say all extroverts are bad, and all introverts are delicate creatures.  Susan Cain stresses that the world needs both, and we need to be aware of how each works best.  Anyone who has sat in a meeting and been told to "brainstorm" shudders at the thought.  Much better to have everyone go to their separate spaces,  come up with their ideas, and then get together to discuss a plan of action.  As the author says, the person who speaks the loudest is not always the person who has the best idea; why should we automatically assume they do--and why take the chance that they don't have the best idea?  

What struck me the most about this book was the understanding I now have of myself.  No one is a complete introvert or extrovert; we all fall somewhere on the scale.  But what makes an introvert push past their apprehension of standing up in front of people, or speaking up at a meeting, is their passion for the cause they support. I would not want to get up in front of people and talk about computer programming, because it's not something that interests me, and I would be very uneasy being the focus of all those eyes.  But, give me a book to talk about that I love and I think people should read--I have no problem standing in front of a crowd of people and talking about it.  When you have something you believe in (for me, it's books and reading), you as an introvert can use those extrovert characteristics to speak up.  

So I'm okay with preferring to sit at home and read a book instead of going to a noisy bar.  I continue to love having coffee and chatting with a small group of friends about books, life, and whatever else we having going on in our lives.  I am okay with being quiet and listening, but I will stand up and be heard if I have something to say.  And yes, it's okay if I'm tired and a bit drained after spending a weekend with my large, loud, family.  I can be large and loud with them, too.  But I know that I'll need to go home and spend time in the quiet afterwards.  

If you think you may have an introverted child, or even an extroverted child, read this book.  It will go a long way towards helping you understand your child, and how they approach the world.  Too many people are told they are too quiet, and meek.  They're not meek.  They just are more alive and fully functioning in a quiet space.  Creativity needs some solitude sometimes in order to pop out.  There is too much pressure on all of us to be loud, work as a team all the time, and be "on".  Well for some of us, it's exhausting, and for some of us, it's just not the way we roll.  And that is okay.

Rating:  8/10 for an enlightening look at what being extroverts and introverts mean; how the world has changed over the past 100 years to embrace extroverts, and how introverts can thrive and succeed in their own quiet way.  

Available in paperback, audio, and e-book format.  

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Quiet by Susan Cain